Hope for Circumcised Sex
A circumcised penis may be limiting the experience of lovemaking in vaginal penetration but it’s not the only factor. There is a great deal a man can learn (and heal) to experience penetrative lovemaking in a way that benefits both the man and the woman.
The Real Reason Women Can’t Orgasm by Sara Anne Burrows looks at the idea that circumcising the penises of men could have a negative impact on the pleasure a woman experiences during sexual intercourse. She references ‘ways circumcised sex hurts women’ in Sex As Nature Intended It by Kristen O’Hara and Jeffrey O’Hara.
Feedback received from women of their own personal experience reflects a different perspective.
Whether or not circumcised sex is actually a concern, highlighted here are alternative ideas to support a satisfying experience of lovemaking regardless of circumcision (note 1).
For background information on the penis read Anatomy of the Penis, Mechanics of Intercourse.
From my limited perspective (note 2) a woman’s vagina becomes more expansive and lubricated the more receptive and aroused she is. I feel the notion of a ‘tight pussy’ is abusive and quite possibly an indication that the vagina is not sufficiently aroused or not wanting to be penetrated.
I question this notion of a women needing a large cock to fill her vagina with aggressive, deep thrusting movements. I equally question the notion of a man needing a ‘tight pussy’ with friction based, thrusting movements in order to feel pleasure.
The vagina and the penis are extremely sensitive organs and anything that borders on an extreme tends to contribute to desensitizing them. There are ways to re-sensitise so that a deeply fulfilling and highly pleasurable experience is possible.
I suggest that sex can be more pleasurable and satisfying the more expansive and lubricated the vagina becomes combined with greater levels of sensitivity.
Points for consideration, all of which fall under the general principle of ‘slow the fuck down’:
- Create significant arousal prior to penetration
- Only penetrate where there is 100% mutual consent
- Once in penetration, limit friction and large thrusting movements
“What is relevant is how you personally feel about it as that energy does enter the lovemaking or sexual play space.” – Anne-Marie Clulow-Visser
Independent of ‘truth’ and for whatever reason, if a trauma is held in the body it will have some form of impact.
“Until we are able to deeply hold, in consciousness and love, the pain and loss around our foreskin and the violation of consent, it is bound to be reflected in any lovemaking.” – Sy Tzu
If relevant for a circumcised man, a more long term option (as an addition not an alternative to everything mentioned here) is foreskin restoration.
Feedback from women
In sharing the possibility of circumcised sex affecting a women’s experience of her pleasure the following reflections where shared:
“I have never seen this issue raised before. Ever. And have also never found this to be an issue. At all. I read the 10 reasons why and must say I could not relate.” – V
“I have had both uncircumcised and circumcised partner and there is no difference re pleasure. It’s all good!” – B
“Of the 13 different orgasms I have personally experienced, none of them were about whether my lover was circumcised or not, yet they definitely were related to skill sets and where I was personally on a physical/emotional and sexual level.
“They also related greatly to my own fear/shame/guilt paradigm or lack thereof.” – Anne-Marie Clulow-Visser
“I’ve personally never been aware of any difference between the two, for me as the female partner. I’m really surprised by this concept you’ve introduced, and it doesn’t ring true in my own experience. The readiness of the woman’s body for penetration, as well as the sensitivity of interaction, by far outweighs the presence or absence of foreskin, as far as I’m aware.” – J
While this refers specifically to penetration of the vagina by a penis, many of these points are worth consideration for ANY form of vaginal penetration and, where a penis is involved, may be of benefit whether the foreskin is in place or not.
I can never claim expertise in what a vagina experiences when penetrated by a penis – ideally experiential knowledge in these regards is shared by women. I share from the limited perspective of a man, from a position of feeling it is important for men to be as aware as possible and be able to meet vaginal penetration with presence, sensitivity and reverence.
I highly caution making orgasm of any form an objective. The objective should not be future outcome based but rather present moment based – bring as much presence, sensitivity and reverence to the experience as is possible, and without any attachment to how this should look. Take away the notion of performance or achievement, and rather allow yourself to be moved by vulnerability.